As I lay here and settle down for the night, I begin to think of all the things I accomplished today, and so begins a long thinking journey. I accomplished quite a bit, although I feel I didn’t achieve the right things.

Tonight, I want to show you how my brain works… just read, let the words describe themselves.

Why do I feel guilt for accomplishing things I needed to do?

Because I’m behind on this and that.

I should’ve worked on that instead of what I did today.

Why can’t I prioritize?

I sometimes can… why not lately?

I feel so off lately…

Nothing makes sense.

I can’t make sense of anything.

I’m getting tired of the constant chaos in my head.

Why does my head have so many thoughts?

Why can’t I shut off my thoughts…

For even a second?

I’m tired.

Tired of listening to myself think..

But the thoughts,

They don’t care.

For they merely keep rolling,

Rolling like an old film reel…

Rapidly turning,

Picture by picture,

They roll.

They evolve

Into something new and extravagant

And suddenly,

Everything goes black.

What was I thinking about again?

What was I trying to figure out?

What have I even thought about for the last 10 minutes?

What have I even thought about?

They move so quickly …

I cannot keep up.

I cannot keep up with my thoughts…

For they run wild,

And I am tired of running…

Of the constant spinning of the film reel.

One day,

I will no longer have these overwhelming thoughts.

As they will soon fade,

And I will have nothing to think about.

And I will feel…

I will feel lost.

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As you can see, I spiral off into more of a depressive thought process. Times like this are where I redirect myself back to happy thoughts. So I stopped typing.

I’ve always struggled with my own brain, battling itself. I’m learning more and more about how to cope with it daily. Mental health is essential.

Good night ❤️